


putting these pieces back together

by hollstein_af



Series: divorce AU [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Because i couldn't just leave it as it was, Divorce AU, F/F, POV Second Person, also very vague permonde, is it really though?, laura and perry friendship, lauras perspective, this is is set just before the first one but its also a sequel, this was brought to you be procrastination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 18:38:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5302508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollstein_af/pseuds/hollstein_af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So here is the sequel that i wasn't going to write.<br/>Laura and carmilla are getting a divorce  (Or are they?)<br/>Basically small fragments of these two trying to put things back together</p>
            </blockquote>





	putting these pieces back together

**Author's Note:**

> This probably wont make any sense if you haven't read the first part.  
> Im not super happy with this but here it is. More than twice as long as the first part because it covers a longer time period.
> 
> Side note: i just spent all night in the emergency room as moral support for my very drunk cousin so there could some mistakes (shes ok! Thank god)

You dream that shes still there with you, that her side of the bed isn't painfully empty. It seems so real that you can almost feel the warm weight of her on your chest and her hair tickling your nose.

When you wake up, her absence hits you like shes just left all over again. You pull her leather vest out from under your bed and cling to it like a teddy bear, burying your face in it to try and catch a hint of her scent.  
You feel more alone that night than you have in a long time, like everything is a reminder that your house is only half full. You've never minded having time on your own but tonight the silence is maddening. You take a shaky breath and pick up your phone.

You hesitate slightly before dialing Perrys number. You haven't really spoken since you and carmilla split up. Perry might have been you're friend first but shes carmillas sister in law, as much as you care about Mattie and Perry; you know carmilla gets to keep them in the divorce.

She sounds equal parts sleepy and surprised when she picks up the phone  
"Laura? Is everything ok?".

You cringe when you realise its four am.  
"Not really" you say, your voice quivers slightly "i miss her so much Perry".

Perry lets out a tired sigh "i'll be there in ten minutes, don't go anywhere".

" no that's not-, you don't-". You start to protest but she cuts you off.

"ten minutes".

You don't argue this time.

//

You allow yourself to cry pathetically into Perrys shoulder for a while before she goes off to the kitchen to make coco and feed your plants, which you can admit you've been forgetting to do lately.

"Is she still living with you guys?" Is the first thing you ask her.

She shakes her head.  
"No sweetie, she moved out two weeks ago, she got her own apartment".

"Oh"  
you're heart sinks at that. carmillas found a new place to live, shes not just staying with her sister. Shes moving on without you. Shes gone for real, its really over. Whatever you're feeling must be showing on your face because Perrys starting to look very worried.

"Laura whats going on?" Perry asks "weren't you the one that ended it in first place?"

You laugh bitterly.

"Yeah, i did". Perry looks confused so you try to explain further "We had a stupid fight because I'd been working too much but she never told me it even bothered her, i just assumed didn't care. For weeks She was just so quiet and broody and i was so focused of my job and then we sort of exploded at each other".

Perry pats your hand "ok, so you had a little... rough patch. All couples have them".

"I know, i just got so defensive, you know? She'd been pulling away and i was scared, i lashed out. then She accused me of not listening to her, So i said "if being married to each other is so hard then maybe we should just get a divorce". and she just said "fine!" and went to take a shower like it was nothing".

You look over at Perry to make sure shes still listening before you continue.

"obviously i realised the whole thing was stupid the next day -but we have a lot of stupid fights. I just thought i would apologize and the whole thing would blow over, but when i got home from work that night she was gone".

Your voice wavers "she just left without a fight. Only a note on our bed saying that she'd gone to stay with you and Mattie until she could find a place and her lawyer would be in touch".

You choke back a small sob and perry squeezes your hand sympathetically. Shes frowning slightly like shes considering what to say next very carefully.

" did you ever talk about any of this with Carmilla?" She asks.

"Theres no point Perry, look at how quickly she left, she probably couldn't wait to be rid of me".

Theres a look in Perrys eyes which usually means you're about to be treated to a lecture.

"You know I'm a marriage counselor, i see at least forty couples a week and you know most of them have in common? Their problems come from poor communication -you'd be surprised how many problems can be solved through good communication.... Anyway, What I'm trying to say, is that you haven't listened to Carmillas side of the story and i know she she hasn't listened to yours, maybe you'll find that this is fixible".

" i know It wouldn't make a difference". You insist.

Perry looks like shes starting to get a little impatient "look, i've talked to her, and its not my place to tell you what she said but i know that you need to tell her what you told me. you're not the only one hurting Laura and maybe if you talk to her you'll see that the story looks very different from her perspective".

"Its already too late, my lawyer finalized the papers this morning. All thats left to do is sign them".

"Then you stall, do what you have to do. If this is what you want then fight for it".

//

"What if i don't want to go through with this?". You don't mean to let it slip quite like that but at least its finally out there.

You can tell that whatever she was expecting, it wasn't this. She opens and closes her mouth several times before she respondes weakly.  
"What?".

"The divorce. I can't go through with it".

"Explain".

Your confidence is fading fast, you know the stakes are high on this conversation.

"I love you. I never stopped and i don't want you to be my ex-wife". Her expression is unreadable so you continue "please carm, this is you and me, we can work this out".

"Laura this whole thing was your idea, you can't just-".

"I know! This all just happened so fast and it got out of control and i don't even know how it got this far. Please can we just talk about it?". You say, a little desperately.

You think Carmilla wants to be angry but she just looks tired.

"Ok so say talk things through and that miraculously fixes everything and we get back together, what if it doesn't work out? What if we end up failing again? I just have to let you go all over again?".

"And what if it does work out?" You bite back. You take a step closer and reach for one of her hands. "Say that you don't love me back and i'll sign the paperwork here and now".

" i can't do that".

You talk for hours, trying to be as honest as you can and when its her turn to talk, you listen and you're careful not to interrupt her.  
she agrees to couples therapy by the end of the night.

//

  
You know that things aren't magically going to get better overnight, that the problems between you are too big to be fixed with an "i love you" so you're egar start therapy as soon as possible. Perry refers you to a collegue of hers who she assures you is one of the best.

Your relationship with Carmilla is in some kind of weird limbo, she knows you want her and you know she wants you but you aren't sure what the boundaries are. You don't know if you're allowed to kiss her, Or wrap an arm around her waist while you're walking into the waiting room at the marriage counselors office. You settle for holding her hand instead, which she doesn't seem to object to.

You like Dr Cochrane, she's friendly and her methods are a little unusual. You half expect Carmilla to up and leave when she suggests that for the next week you should only compliment each other when you're sitting back to back and you should do this at least twich a day. Carmillas negative reactions never go much further than a raised eyebrow, which you find both surprising and a bit encouraging. Its comforting to know that shes trying as hard as you are.

You end up booking 6 months worth of weekly appointments.

//

  
She kisses you for the first time since your seperation after driving you home from your third session together.

Shes been in a good mood all day and you've lost count of the number of times you've caught her staring at you like you put the stars in the sky.  
Your relationship is still in something of a probation period so you're rebuilding things very slowly. This is your second chance and you know that you won't get a third.

You're in the car, both laughing over Dr Cochranes latest suggestion -that you try communicating with each other via sock puppets, when she laces your fingers together over the gear stick. Your heart beat quickens and you give her hand a tiny squeeze.  
Its starting to feel like things are finally getting back to the way they used to be (though hopefully with more open communication) and you couldn't be happier. You can't keep the smile off your face the whole way home.

She pulls into your driveway and stops the car.

"thanks for the ride, i'll uh, see you next week then" you give a slightly awkward little wave "bye Carm".

"Hang on, i'll walk you to your door" she says, taking her key out of the ignition.

You stop at the doorstep, a feeling of anticipation bubbling inside you.

"Well this is my door" you say in attempt to break the tension thats built up.

"Mhmm" she hums in agreement, neither of you making a move to leave that spot.

You don't really realise how close she is until shes stretching out a hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. Her hand lingers on your cheek, her eyes are flitting down to your lips. She starts to lean in and you meet her halfway, your noses brush together briefly before your lips finally touch.  
Its even better than you remember it. Her lips are soft and warm against yours and your heart skips a beat when her free hand finds its way to your waist to pull you closer. The kiss is slow and kind of perfect, you can feel her smile when you let out a small sigh. She rests her forehead against yours for a few seconds after she pulls away and you can't help grinning a little.

You get another quick kiss before she says goodnight.

You let out a happy squeak after the door closes behind her.

//

  
You groan when you realise that carmilla beat you to the tv because you know all too well what that means.

"Seriously?". You ask as she turns it to the channel she wants.

"Sorry cutie, if i can sit through your agent Carter then i think you can sit through this".

"You never just 'sit through' agent carter! You complain the entire time!".

She turns the volume up "you can complain as much as you like, we're watching the vampire diaries".

You continue to grumble quietly but you still cuddle into her side and you have to admit its not the worst way to spend a night. You rest your hand on her stomach and she squeezes your shoulder gently.  
You stay curled into her for the entire show.

"Laura? you ok? You've been staring into space for like five minutes" she ruffles your hair.

You smile a little nervously "yeah, im fine" you brace yourself then continue "actually, i wanted to talk to you about something".

She takes your hand "go ahead".

You take a breath "I was just wondering if you might maybe be ready to start thinking about -you know, moving back in?" .

//

  
"In the spirit of open communication i think you should know I've always hated those curtains". She calls out as she emerges, carrying two large boxes stacked on top of each other.

You laugh because you kinda hate them too.

"Hey i didn't choose them! You know they came with the house". You take one of the boxes from her arms and bring it into the bedroom.

After two months of therapy shes finally moving back in and you've never been so grateful that you married a woman who packs light. Everything she owned had easily fit into her car.

You wait until shes put down the last box before continuing. "Anyway, if these curtains bother you that much we can always go and pick out new ones".

"Oh yeah?".

You nod "We can even go now if you want".

"Mmm, later" she says, coming up behind you and snaking her arms around your waist. She presses a kiss to your jawline, just below your ear.

"And what do you propose we do in the meantime?"you turn in her arms to face her.

"Oh, i have all kinds of thoughts about that".  
//

  
When you wake up you're convinced that you're dreaming again for just a moment, but Carmillas really there. You can feel her warm breath against your bare shoulder and her head tucked under your chin.  
She sighs contentedly in her sleep before snuggling even further into your arms.  
You smile because this is not a dream, you're both exactly where you belong.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes or if i randomly forgot to add words (i seriously do that a lot). Thank you for reading!


End file.
